Adding video??

Is there any way to add video files from your saved photos to a Dreamwidth post? I can’t find one. I’m wondering if there’s another site for uploading one’s videos that isn’t a social media platform….hrmmm. 

Perplexing!

(no subject)

These two videos are representative of what my parent refers to as a “tiff” or a “fight” and they happen regularly.
It doesn’t make any difference if I speak reasonably and fairly. Her philosophy at this point in time is that since her parents treated and spoke to her a certain way and expected her not to cry or hesitate in getting coherent words out, I should be grateful to be treated the same way and that the abusive behavior her parents inflicted onto her is simply a rite of passage that I should be grateful for because it’ll toughen my whiny ass up and show me how to be thankful for the good things that come along.

It doesn’t work that way. I have selective mutism. When I am pressured, stressed or frightened, I lose my ability to put my thoughts together in a cohesive order. Most of the time I freeze up and stutter, or can’t speak at all. My parent’s response is to bark at me, intimidate me and say things like “Spit it out!!” because they’re angry that I’m not answering fast enough. I’ve explained this condition to them several times now and they persist in trying to bully me into answers I can’t provide due to intimidation, until I hide my face in my hands and/or start crying. Once the crying starts, they claim I’VE triggered THEM with MY CRIES, and they have an excuse to bully me with screams, terrorizing behaviors, and mocking, sneering name calling. Every assault they can dream up to torment me the way kids tortured me in elementary school.

 I would rather be beaten bloody, have my jaw broken, my legs fractured and both eyes blackened than go through this as often as I do. It’s very hard to contemplate no contact with the only family you’ve had (other than a grandmother who’s dead) for your entire life. I’m also disabled by mul  chronic illnesses (which originated from the stress of coping with this exact kind of trauma). It kills me that none of my parent’s compatriots understand that this is not a mommy daughter conflict situation where both parties participate equally. No. One of them is a punching bag and the other boxes with it. I am not the boxer. If I ever get hold of the gloves, I’ll not be fucking around….I will deliver the death blow. I have had ENOUGH and that rotten spoiled infant needs to drown in her own liquid feces. I’m exhausted and I deserve some fucking peace.
 

youtu.be/ZfKsBNR6Zfo 

youtu.be/z6GMpJp3xYw

(no subject)

I published my parental figure on YouTube. She’s barely computer literate and I’m probably going to keep the links unlisted to the public, but I’m putting her on anonymous blast. If you watch the videos, the background is that she’s angry at me for asking her not to yell at me for sending her a text, and telling her that saying “Spit it out!” when I’m in the middle of trying to type an answer just hurts my feelings and makes me go slower (because I get nervous and freeze). 

 

So because I set boundaries nicely, and told her those things weren’t okay, and her philosophy is that her parents did it to her so I should be grateful for it, and therefore my objections actually make me the abuser here. (In her mind.) She’s literally screaming at me that I’m a little bitch and a snake, among many horrible things. She even twists my arm and hurts my shoulder, but me saying “that hurt my feelings when you said that” equals me abusing my mother.                         

I think this is partly why I’m so isolated from other people….being treated like this all the time by your own mother who you had a “best friends” relationship with as a kid makes you feel like no one else wants anything to do with you, like you’re tainted and dirty. It makes you not reach out. Like you’re the poor kid coming to school with dirty clothes and hair and cavities and no lunch money.