(no subject)

[cellomusette]

I published my parental figure on YouTube. She’s barely computer literate and I’m probably going to keep the links unlisted to the public, but I’m putting her on anonymous blast. If you watch the videos, the background is that she’s angry at me for asking her not to yell at me for sending her a text, and telling her that saying “Spit it out!” when I’m in the middle of trying to type an answer just hurts my feelings and makes me go slower (because I get nervous and freeze). 

 

So because I set boundaries nicely, and told her those things weren’t okay, and her philosophy is that her parents did it to her so I should be grateful for it, and therefore my objections actually make me the abuser here. (In her mind.) She’s literally screaming at me that I’m a little bitch and a snake, among many horrible things. She even twists my arm and hurts my shoulder, but me saying “that hurt my feelings when you said that” equals me abusing my mother.                         

I think this is partly why I’m so isolated from other people….being treated like this all the time by your own mother who you had a “best friends” relationship with as a kid makes you feel like no one else wants anything to do with you, like you’re tainted and dirty. It makes you not reach out. Like you’re the poor kid coming to school with dirty clothes and hair and cavities and no lunch money.