Generation Why

It was only for 10 minutes, sitting upright on my bed, with Christmas lights on and silence in the background.

I alternated between thinking "breathing in"/"breathing out" on the in/out breath and "I am"/"at peace". I cleared my mind effectively. As I sat there, I got the image of being on the edge of a dark, oily, menacing forest full of snakes. At first I was afraid and felt anxiety about the dark place and wanted to will it away. But I concentrated on my breath and went into it calmly, accepting that it was dark and scary-seeming. I spent several minutes mentally walking around in the dark scary snakey oily forest, feeling calm and comfortable. Somehow this seems like the key to something very important.

I was so inspired afterwards that I pulled on my boots and went out for a walk immediately. It was a short walk; I'm terribly out of shape right now. If I can make a daily habit of this, though, the walks can get longer, and I can get into better shape mentally and physically.

Just in time for spring, too.

Don't you love my icon? You know you do.

Yesterday I complained at my physical therapist. I've gotten shoddy service from these folks---I have trouble getting appointments, and when I do get them, they often don't do much of anything. They keep switching me around from therapist to therapist, and I don't think notes are enough to keep the consistency. Anyway, yesterday's treatment accomplished something, for sure--I was in lots of pain afterwards, but it was DIFFERENT pain! And I spent much of afternoon/evening icing and heating my back. They're paying attention now. Maybe I won't have to fire them!

In other news, I exchanged my Y membership for a much cheaper one at the rec center. They have a sauna. So I've been going there every day. I take a 20 minute swim (or less), and then I take a sauna bath to raise my core temperature. This takes care of my random aches and pains, so that I only have my back to deal with. And since I have a lot of appointments in the same town as the center, I'm saving gas. And look! I'm exercising even though my body hurts like hell! Isn't that fantastic?