another death

the phone rang. at eight thirty..."i found strawberries at stop and shop for a buck fifty a pound today!." replied. "i have some bad news. Matthew's dead."

maybe i should write an epitaph

RIP Matthew Shmulsky 1981-2002
he died in a motorcycle accident today
he was 21
last summer he was in a near-fatal car crash
he lost his face and some of his memory. he was never the same after that, he didn't look like himself and he didn't make as much sense when he talked
(watching IQ points fall off the refrigerator and smashing on the floor)
i tried to talk to him in the hospital but i couldn't say anything coherent because my breath was all choking up with sobs, and he said he didn't remember, but he squeezed my hand really hard
i think everything was building up to this







so. when does the shit stop?



















I'm waiting.....

i don't want to go to sleep.

i am so exhausted.
but i am sort of afraid that i won't wake up.