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cellomusetteit's nice to be awake at this hour here. i've already showered, i got about 11 hours of sleep in total, and i finally found my watch.
yesterday was totally ridiculous. i was so frustrated that i found myself in tears about three times. (of course i was smart and went to the bathroom to do it, i didn't just turn on the water works in the middle of the quad or lab or anyone's office.) but i think it sort of ended ok, and i finally got the amount of sleep i needed to make today workable. i find it useless now to go into particulars about what went wrong, because it's over now. my main worry is that i'll get grouchy at work and people will start to think that's how i usually am....and it's not. i like people, i like talking to them, i enjoy assisting with projects and such. i don't usually get pissed at anyone in particular---the outward anger is really a manifestation of being overloaded. it means i'm trying to do too much with too little internal resource (energy, patience, mental clarity and all things that come when i'm well-rested and fed, for example).
i just have to remember to not go off the deep end and start hating myself for not being perfect on the job. of all my flaws this may be the one that's actually fatal.
yesterday was totally ridiculous. i was so frustrated that i found myself in tears about three times. (of course i was smart and went to the bathroom to do it, i didn't just turn on the water works in the middle of the quad or lab or anyone's office.) but i think it sort of ended ok, and i finally got the amount of sleep i needed to make today workable. i find it useless now to go into particulars about what went wrong, because it's over now. my main worry is that i'll get grouchy at work and people will start to think that's how i usually am....and it's not. i like people, i like talking to them, i enjoy assisting with projects and such. i don't usually get pissed at anyone in particular---the outward anger is really a manifestation of being overloaded. it means i'm trying to do too much with too little internal resource (energy, patience, mental clarity and all things that come when i'm well-rested and fed, for example).
i just have to remember to not go off the deep end and start hating myself for not being perfect on the job. of all my flaws this may be the one that's actually fatal.
