(no subject)

someone was already in the shower when i got up this morning. it really threw me off, because i had to stand around for several minutes doing nothing...at 7am, i'm not capable of rearranging my routine. i'm like one of those people in black-and-white in the movie Pleasantville.
of course, the second i stepped out of the shower, i tripped and slammed my toe on the metal edge of the shower door, cracking my toenail in half horizontally...so now i'm looking like an asshole and breaking company policy by wearing a sandal on one foot, because i can't get a sneaker on my foot without screaming. oh, did my day ever start well.

nonetheless, i'm glad to be back from stupid western mass. my mom has a problem dealing with grief. she can't accept it so she gets a short fuse around funerals and things. she started screaming at me for various deadly sins about 20 minutes after i got in from my two hour drive...leaving my towel in the wrong place, putting my clothes on the floor in a ball. i think i'll stay somewhere else next time i visit that area and NOT go home.

other than my visit with becky, an old friend from Simon's Rock, my weekend was pretty much grief-ridden and rageful and exhausting. i'm not going to Pittsfield again for a very long time. there's no reason to. all the fighting just makes me feel like i'm a bad, evil person, and the only way to avoid it is to stay far, far away. so i will.

i'm sleepy and nap-needing...