Thanks. I'm sort of in denial. I've never had anyone die in my family, except for old grandparents who were over 70. It makes me ill when a young person in good health dies. I don't know how to deal and my mother decided to leave town and probably no one else in the family would care if I drove 2.5 hours to be with them.
It's like he accomplished the ultimate failure, by dying. (By effectively eliminating any chance of success.) I'm so angry and disappointed in him, but sympathetic too, and none of it matters, 'cause he's fucking dead. I wasn't around enough, I never had a chance to show him I believed in him. I failed him in that respect.
Isn't it great how people are sometimes made to feel that their lives aren't worth anything at all?
I just bent your ear off, sorry...I remember reading something about your brother, that experience had to be on an elevated level of traumatic. I'm sorry for your loss as well.
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sforzinda
Re:
Date: 2002-05-24 02:57 pm (UTC)It's like he accomplished the ultimate failure, by dying. (By effectively eliminating any chance of success.) I'm so angry and disappointed in him, but sympathetic too, and none of it matters, 'cause he's fucking dead. I wasn't around enough, I never had a chance to show him I believed in him. I failed him in that respect.
Isn't it great how people are sometimes made to feel that their lives aren't worth anything at all?
I just bent your ear off, sorry...I remember reading something about your brother, that experience had to be on an elevated level of traumatic. I'm sorry for your loss as well.