i hope you're not jealous of me, 'cause that's PRETTY FUCKIN' STUPID OF YOU

[cellomusette]

maybe ranting a little will make me feel better.

you know what? just because i have a steady job, good income and a new car, doesn't mean SHIT. i might as well just set it all on fire, because none of it is making me happy. i don't think i even know how to be happy. it all leads back to the fact that life is not the sum of the money you make and the goals you have. it only survives via this intangible thing, a feeling of contentment, that i've had for fleeting moments in my existence.

what did i bother working so hard for? i did all i did because i thought i had to in order to survive. i got everything i thought i wanted, and now i've lost anything i had that i needed to be happy. i almost wish i were dead. i mean, what's the fucking point? whenever i meet interesting people, they disappear anyway.

i'm sick of being alone and stranded out here. it's already been three weeks and i'm not enjoying the adjustment. i dare say i don't even like eastern mass. i don't relate to anyone anymore. and i'm pissed off, because people who haven't worked even 30 percent as hard as i have over the past couple of years are happier than i am. do you think i give a fucking rat's ass about money? money doesn't buy personal connections. i don't even fit in with my new social class. everyone around me is "normal," and i just feel like a punk-ass gutter freak wherever i go. i'm goddamn sick of it. do i think it's funny when i put on my ripped jeans and jane's addiction teeshirt and slide into my 2002 Chevy? i used to, but i don't anymore. now i just feel like a huge misfit.

so a big fuck-you to all the slackers out there who think i'm a real bitch because of whatever things i have. you can fucking take them, and shove them up your ass for all i care.

Comments

You'd put Ann Landers to shame.

[tlc71076.livejournal.com]

Wow, all that for only 5 cents? Where do I make an appointment for weekly therapy?

I am in 100% agreeance on everything you've said here. Most importantly, that you have to enjoy your work in a fundamental way. My overwhelming response to that, in the context of my present state of employment, is that I don't love one damn thing about my work. Hell, they pay me and I still barely give it a thought. They stop paying me and I'd forget it by tomorrow.

My problem with #2 is that the only reason I feel I need a higher degree is because of what other people require me to have. Pardon my ego for a moment, but I know I'm far more capable than a great portion of people with said extra degrees. But simply stating that to hiring managers isn't enough. I don't exactly want to go back to school, but if that's the only way to get into places I presumably want to get into, what choice do I have? Nevermind the fact that I still don't know what 'places' these are.

Need to find a path to a 'yes' answer to #1. And trust me, I spend every waking and sleeping hour thinking about it. Just can't wrap my brain around which career path is for me. I'm sure I'll find it... I suppose I need to learn patience in said search.

Thank you for providing the answers to my problems. You're a lifesaver. ;)

*goes to print out Dr. Mike's Handy-Dandy Guide to Solving Life's Biggest Problem*

Re: You'd put Ann Landers to shame.

[madbard.livejournal.com]

I'm glad you liked this, because earlier tonight I found myself asking, "What kind of an asshole am I to have written that?" (I'm sure Hannah had similar thoughts.)

Anyway, you'll notice that I didn't actually provide any answers. Just outlined the problems. (I still want my nickel though.)

[watercolorblue.livejournal.com]

yeah man i thought you were a total asshole! how dare you give good advice in MY JOURNAL?!?!? *grin*

oh god, i feel like such an asshole sometimes when i give advice. like, who the hell do i think i am? but seriously, you wrote well, i think. you didn't sound like a jerk or anything. somebody could take it the wrong way but that would be due to their own insecurity.