there are no morning-after pills for this

[cellomusette]

yes, my 21 year old cousin is dead.
one thing he said to my grandmother about a week ago was "nobody wants me". he didn't think anyone believed in him. it was hard sometimes. he was a high school dropout, had a reading disability and lack of self-discipline. but he made a good living doing carpentry work. he just kept screwing up to the point where i think his parents were actually hoping he'd die, in a way. in 1999 he went to jail for 6 months for accidentally shooting a kid. he told me he was actually trying to kill himself. russian roulette. then there was the car accident, where a police car was chasing him at high speeds and he hit a tree and was in a coma for three weeks.

sometimes, once you start falling, you can't stop yourself. case in point, right here.

makes me want to throw up, in fact i just did. literally.

i called in today and tomorrow. no work for me until wednesday. five days off in a row. should be enough time to get my self together.

Comments

[murmur.livejournal.com]

i'm so sorry hannah.
i hope all is well with you,
and that you feel better soon.
*hugs*

[watercolorblue.livejournal.com]

thank you. that's really sweet. it's just comforting to know people are there and that i'm not just drifting through the world or something.

i hope your new place works out well.